Interactive Lesson for Women Whose Husbands Are Not Yet Disciples

· Computer with internet connection to view youTube; or download the video segment ahead of time: www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4lWPZy4aLw

· Print out for yourself a copy of the “Leader’s or Facilitator’s Notes” (below)

· Print out copies of “Notes Handout” (below) to give to each sister in the group

 

Please mold and shape and improve this lesson if you choose to use it, and let us know about how you’ve made it better! –Editor.

 

 

 

To remind us that God is working powerfully on our behalf, even when it doesn’t seem like it; answers prayer; that God is more powerful than we understand; that God wants to bless you, wants your husbands to become disciples, more than you do; God is on your side

 

For some of us, the fact that our husbands are not yet disciples can affect us in one or more of the following ways : we can have a general sense of discouragement; a loss of hope; a desire to hide; a desire to avoid conflict; a secret resolve to never again get out of the boat or take risks in relationships; we may get weaker in our relationship with God. It can be easy to get bitter and angry – blaming others: “Why aren’t people helping me with my husband?”

 

OR -- the fact that our husbands are not yet Christians could be something that stimulates us to new learning; to deeper persistence; more vigorous commitment; more courageous hearts. May this be our prayer for every sister in this situation!

 

Look at how David (a man after God’s own heart), after a string of glittering victories,(Ortberg, p. 137) deals with a time of distress and discouragement:

 

· 1 Sam 16:7-13 David is anointed by God’s prophet as the one chosen to be king.

· 1 Sam 17:41-51 the stunning defeat of Goliath

· 1 Sam 18:6-7; 12-16; 26-27; David is successful, blessed by God, famous

· 1 Sam 21:12- 22:1 Success is followed by many losses: David’s position in Saul’s court (his job, income, security); his wife is given to someone else; he’s separated from his best friend, Jonathan; and his spiritual mentor, Samuel, dies. Not to mention that Saul, King of Israel, is trying to kill him.

· 1 Sam 22: 1 David flees from his enemies to the cave of Adullam.

 

“The cave is where you end up when your props, supports, and crutches get stripped away. The cave is where you find yourself when you thought you were going to do great things, have a great family, or boldly go where no one had gone before, and it becomes clear that things will not work out as you dreamed. Perhaps you are in the cave because of foolish choices. Perhaps it is a result of circumstances you could not even control. Most likely it is a combination of the two….

“Maybe it is because you have lost your job, or you are under financial pressure. Maybe you have lost a mentor or a best friend; there was a relationship you counted on, and now it is gone. Maybe it involves a physical condition – you have lost your health. Or you may simply find yourself alone.” (Ortberg, p. 137)

 

^“ The cave is where God does some of his best work in molding and shaping human lives. Sometimes, when all the props and crutches in your life get stripped away and you find you have only God, you discover that God is enough. Sometimes, when your worst fears of inadequacy are confirmed and you discover that you really are out of your league, you experience the liberation of realizing that it is okay to be inadequate and that God wants his power to flow through your weakness.

“Sometimes the cave is where you meet God, for God does some of his best work in caves.” (Ortberg, p.138)

 

 

Things get worse for David. He finds a temporary solution to Saul’s relentless hunting him down with his enemies, the Philistines and their King, Achish (1 Sam 27:2). Achish is pleased with him but the Philistine commanders don’t trust him (1 Sam29:6-7). In spite of his skills as a warrior, at the last minute he’s not allowed to fight with Achish’s men and is sent home to Ziklag, surely discouraged by this turn of events. On arriving home, he and his men find their home destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive by the Amalekites (1 Sam 30: 1-3). 1 Sam 30:4 reads, “So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.” (Have you felt that way?)

 

Then his men – every one, the Bible says – were talking of stoning David. They were bitter against him because of this latest tragedy.

 

Then, 1 Sam 30:6b reads, “But David found strength in the Lord his God.”

 

 

How, then, can we find strength in God for our situation?

· “I believe that the starting point…is to honestly face and name our discouragement.” (Ortberg, p140)Take some time in the group to share about what is hard about being married to someone who is not a disciple. Do you have someone spiritually strong in your life with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings? Sometimes just being able to share, and bring our thoughts and feelings into the light openly, helps a great deal. (1 John 1:5-7)

· Is everyone having good times with God? If we are not taking time to read and pray, and think about our own hearts (meditate) before God on a daily basis, we will not be very self aware; we will be going in our own strength and doomed to failure (John 15:5 reads, “…apart from me you can do nothing.”)

 

 

· Pray specifically for my own heart, for my husband’s heart, and for one another’s husbands. Read some inspiring scriptures about how God hears and answers prayer -- Isaiah 64:4-5; 65:24; Philipp 4:6-7, for example – and take some time to pray together. (When I did this lesson with a group in England, we committed to fasting together and setting aside specific times on a regular basis when we would pray together for each other, and for our husbands, by name – Ed.)

· Watch together the short testimony of “Rick and Lisa’s Story” posted by Robyn Horton from the Los Angeles Church of Christ, on youTube, about her sister, Lisa, and her husband, Rick, at www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4lWPZy4aLw. After you watch it, consider this: Robyn asked her brother-in-law, Rick, recently, what changed his heart after so many years? What made him turn around? Rick’s reply: “It was simple. I asked God, and he changed my heart.”

 

 

 

 

Elijah prays and God answers by sending rain, ending a terrible drought (1 Kings 18:42-45). Then miraculous power of God comes on Elijah and he outruns the king in his chariot (v.46).

 

After these exhilarating victories, one powerful woman opposes him, and Elijah is totally discouraged. Let’s read 1 Kings 19:1-9. Elijah, too, finds himself in the cave.

 

What’s remarkable about what God says to Elijah at his lowest moment is this: (1 Ki 19:9b) “What are you doing here, Elijah?” God could have asked, “what are you doing –“ but God wants us to know that God is with him in the cave. (Ortberg, p142)

 

 

“I think perhaps that the cave is the most wonderful place of all to find that you are loved by God. If you know – really know – that you are loved by God when you feel the weight of failure, then there is no place where you will be beyond the confines of his care.

 

“One of the great gifts failure [or hardship] can give us is the recognition that we are loved and valued by God precisely when we are in the cave of failure….As long as my sense of being valuable and significant is tied to my success [or my circumstances: “if only my husband were different,” for example], it will be a fragile thing. But when I come to know in the marrow of my bones that I am just as valued and loved by God when I have fallen flat on my face, then I am gripped by a love stronger than success or failure.

 

“You can risk being honest with God for a very important reason. God is never a God of discouragement. When you have a discouraging spirit or train of thought in your mind, you can be sure it is not from God. He sometimes brings pain to his children – conviction over sin, or repentance over fallenness, or challenges that scare us, or visions of his holiness that overwhelm us. But God never brings discouragement. Always, his guidance leads to motivation and life.

 

“Sometime ago I asked a spiritual mentor of mine, ‘How do you assess the well-being of your soul? How do you gauge your spiritual condition?’ My friend said that the first question he asks himself is this: Am I growing more easily discouraged these days? ‘Because, ‘ he told me, ‘if I’m walking closely with God, if I have the sense of God being with me, I find that problems lose the ability to damage my spirit.’ “ (Ortberg, p142-143)

 

“In any arena where you are concerned about failure, the single most destructive thing you can do is NOTHING.” (Ortberg, p144)

 

 

Psychologist David Burns says,: “When I am faced with a challenge and I do nothing, it leads to distorted thoughts – that I am helpless, hopeless, and beyond change. These in turn lead to destructive emotions – loss of energy and motivation, damaged self-esteem, feeling overwhelmed. The end result is self-defeating behaviour – procrastination, avoidance, and escapism. These behaviours then reinforce negative thoughts, and the whole cycle spirals downward.”(Ortberg, p144)

 

· Share with the group about one area in your marriage where you are discouraged and aim for a 10% improvement in 12 months. If you can improve 10% and this is not a huge goal, you will have gained something hugely important: hope. (Ortberg, p144) But let’s make sure this goal is something that we can change, focusing on us, not our spouses; let’s pray about this for one another, and fast about it together. Set dates to do this if your group is in agreement about this.

· Close the group in prayer

· Review the plan, times and dates, the group will pray for one another

· Set a date for the next meeting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 Sam 16 David’s anointing

1 Sam 17 Miraculous defeat of Goliath

1 Sam 18:1-7 Fame; Marries Princess Michal; More success, victory, fame

1 Sam 19, 20, 21 Hard times, loss

1 Sam 22:1 David in a cave

Everyone spends some time in the cave.

The hardest thing about being in the cave is that you begin to wonder whether God cares about you anymore.

The cave is where God does some of his _________ _________in molding and shaping human lives.

Sometimes, when all the props and crutches in life get stripped away and you find you have only God, you discover that ______________ ______ ______________________.

Sometimes the cave is where you ______________ ________________, because God does some of his best work in caves.

1 Sam 27 David takes refuge with the Philistine King Achish in Ziklag.

1 Sam 29 David tries to be of use to Achish; Achish’s men don’t trust him; David is sent home from battle to Ziklag.

Then things get worse: 1 Sam 30:1-6

But David found __________________ in _____ _____________ ___________ ______________.

David gets ___________ _________________ before the Lord to get to the bottom of his pain and discouragement.

 

1 Kings 18 amazing, miraculous successes

1 Kings 19:1-9 totally discouraged

v. 9 “What are you doing _________, Elijah?” Not, “what are you doing there?” God is with him in the cave.

 

In any arena where you are concerned about failure, the single most destructive thing you can do is _________________.

 

 

 

 

Following are the words that go in the empty blanks in the notes above:

· The cave is where God does some of his best work

· But David found strength in the Lord His God.

· David gets quiet enough before the Lord….

· “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

· …the single most destructive thing you can do is nothing.