I feel like I am living in a dream that I realize, more and more, thatI have no control. After successfully having brain surgery, whole brain radiation and six cycles of chemotherapy it seems like I would be able to stand up, brush myself off and be ready to go on with my life like I was sick for a few days. That is just not the case.
I did not get into the clinical trial at the University of Chicago but I still must have treatment and after talking to two oncologists, I am probably going to go on Tarceva. It is a drug that will continue to attack the cancer and it is a one pill a day treatment. (I say “probably” because there is a strict insurance requirements and I don’t have it yet.) I will take Tarceva for three months and then have a scan to see how I am doing. God is working and making medical plans very clear.
Thank you so much for all the prayers, texts, calls and expressions of love.
Trust in God
Psalm 91:1 - 6
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
I was very inspired by the sharing of the Mudiappa family we viewed in the video for the Youth & Family Conference. They quoted from Psalm 91 and Psalm 121 as scriptures that kept them going in great difficulty.
This section of Psalm 91 is helping me so much for the past two days. I love it when it says, “Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” I am grateful for him dealing with my “deadly pestilence” and I can trust Him completely. The fact that God says that it is “His” faithfulness and not mine is my shield and rampart. God is faithful and His faithfulness is my fortress and safety. I merely choose daily that He is my God in whom I trust.
I believe that we are much too oriented to either being punished or rewarded by God and He wants to bring His faithfulness to us for our protection. I believe that God can deal with my cancer completely, but if he does not, I believe that I am saved and covered with His wings and I am very safe. This Psalm brings great confidence and security. God desires for us to feel the comfort and safety of being under His wings and the power and of His protection when He is our fortress.
Many times we feel as if it is God doing something specifically for or against us, it may be that we put too much trust in the things of the earth. We love to see what He is doing each day and when we do, we feel the confidence from God. God desires that our security is in Him every moment of every day. There is nothing that we can count on in this world. It is abounding with sin, heartache and sorrow. There is nothing fair about life, but there is always security and confidence as we walk with our Lord.
Jeff Balsom
Follow Jeff's blog at jeffbalsom.com