Lessons from Childhood Carry On in Adulthood

I come from a family of six (one brother, two sisters). All of us are now disciples and we are very close. I thank God because I realize that this is rare in our world of broken, dysfunctional homes. While I cannot take credit for any of my upbringing, I thought it might be helpful to share four of the crucial elements that helped to make my family close and spiritual. Perhaps this will be helpful to others in the church who are in the battle to raise godly children. And perhaps this will be helpful to all of us as we strive to be a close and spiritual church family, for that is what we are called to be. Many of these principles are just as applicable on a church-wide level as they are in our own homes.

Time

This may seem too obvious to put on the list but I believe a primary reason my family was close is that we simply spent a lot of time together. And here’s the catch: we actually liked spending time together. We ate dinner together nearly every evening. At a table. With the television off. Mom put us to bed nearly every night when we were little. We had a family night nearly every week, which often involved a family devotional (and a movie, usually a comedy... we are definitely a movie family). Consistent times like these helped us to have daily conversation (see next topic!) so that even as we became increasingly busy with school and sports - not to mention ministry - we never felt like strangers living under the same roof. By the end of dinner, we pretty much knew how each person’s day had been. In addition to the daily and weekly times, there were special times to look forward to. We especially enjoyed Holidays and all the family traditions that sprung up around them over the years: birthdays and the special sharing that would take place at the dinner table that night... summer vacations when we could have each other’s uninterrupted attention for a whole week... In my book, when it comes to a family being close, nothing can replace time spent together face to face.

Talk

We talked a lot in my house. Whether at the dinner table or riding in the car, we were always talking and the topics varied widely and changed quickly. We would talk freely about how each person’s day had been, funny lines from movies, how our favorite sports teams were doing, stuff we were learning in school, current events in the news, politics and world events - you name it. And these topics easily gave way to spiritual conversation. We would talk openly about the Bible - the questions we had about it and the things we were learning from it. Talking about things of a spiritual nature was not a scheduled event. This taught us that Christianity is not something you do, it is who you are. At least every other week, each of the kids would spend some one-on-one time with Dad. During these times, we would talk about life and any problems we were dealing with (or any problems he wanted us to deal with!). Dad would show us a few scriptures, pray with us and often begin or end with some time spent throwing the football out in the yard (with me or Jonathan, that is). Mom, on the other hand, was often with us one-on-one for a few minutes here or there just about everyday. Either riding in the car on the way home from practice, standing in the kitchen while she made dinner or talking for a few minutes at the beginning or end of the day, she would constantly talk with us about life and God.

Truth

Lying was a cardinal sin in our house. None of us ever became habitual liars with our parents because this was dealt with swiftly and strongly when we were little. We were taught that honesty was at the foundation of our family and that lying would destroy that foundation. We also knew we could be open and honest about anything and that Mom and Dad would still love and accept us... even if they had to discipline us. Dishonesty has no place in a family. Lying destroys homes. Period.

Total respect

The buck stopped with Dad. Talking back, rolling eyes and arrogant or stubborn attitudes were not acceptable. Obedience was expected. The first time. With a happy attitude. I believe this sense of respect for authority prepared our hearts to have a proper respect and fear of God later in life. While the buck may have stopped with Dad, we knew there were few things that upset Dad more than disrespecting our Mom. He would back her up completely and firmly. We were also taught to speak respectfully to our siblings. Dad and Mom honored the same rules with us: they did not speak to us with harsh or mocking words, and if they did they would apologize.

These are four crucial elements that I believe helped our family grow close and spiritual. My parents were not perfect, but I praise God for the biblical convictions they had in raising me and my brother and sisters. They have spelled out these principles and many more in their recent book Raising Awesome Kids: Reloaded. While I had no intention of this article being a commercial for their book, I would be remiss if I failed to mention it! May God bless you, your family and our church family here in the Columbia Church of Christ.

Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.

Psalm 71:18